Intro:
Sex. A short three-letter word that, when mentioned, prompts the highest levels of discomfort, curiosity and secretism among humans. Whether the topic is introduced to children through a metaphor such as the “birds and the bees” or learned about by teens through movies and the internet, sex often seems to be viewed and discussed through unrealistic and unhealthy lenses, or not at all. Despite living in a time when information is accessible to all ages and openness is being celebrated more than ever, the topic of sex remains taboo.
Although privacy and tact are important to maintain in everyday life, when does too much discretion create a harmfully uninformed generation? And if sex and reproduction have existed since Adam and Eve, what’s with the stigma surrounding the topic? Although sex can be awkward to talk about, it is crucial that it is discussed.
The stigma surrounding sex refers to the two extreme habits that the general public follows when addressing the topic of sex. Oftentimes, people are uncomfortable talking about sex at all or embrace the extreme sexual behaviors that the media portrays.
Sex in Pop Culture:
“Tonight let’s get some and live while we’re young.”
When One Direction’s song “Live While We’re Young” was released in 2012, it was played everywhere; on the radio, at Bar Mitzvah parties, day camps and more. Because it was sung by their favorite boy band, little kids everywhere were singing along to it. What they didn’t know, however, is that they were really singing about having sex.
As society has evolved over the years, representation of sex in popular culture has increased. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, in 1998, 54% of television programs discussed sex at some point during every episode. By 2005, this percentage jumped to 68%.
Senior Josie Silverberg said the representation of sex in the media has its benefits, even though it largely contributes to the dramatic and extreme stigma surrounding sex. She said that even though it portrays sex from extremes and can create a social pressure regarding the topic, the media can be very empowering as well.
“The idea of sex and one’s own sexual power has become a major theme,” Silverberg said. “ …“WAP” [by Cardi B] is a great example of a woman claiming her own sexual power and not being afraid to show the female side of sex.”
Despite this sexual theme in modern pop culture, the Centers for Disease Control reports that the percentage of teenagers who engaged in sexual intercourse decreased from 54% to 40% between 1991 and 2017.
However, Silverberg also feels that the portrayal of sex in modern media contributes to an extreme and over-normalized perspective on sexual activity that has its drawbacks.
“The boundaries that had existed previously, the shaming, all that stuff that’s not as present,” Silverberg said. “On one hand, it’s positive, because things like slut shaming and all that stuff [have] been reduced slightly, but at the same time, this pressure has built up.”
In more recent years, extreme examples of sex have become more commonly viewed among teens, specifically through pornography. The Oxford Dictionary defines pornography as “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.” One of the biggest pornography websites globally, Pornhub, reported a study that showed that 42% of youth between the ages of 10-17 view online pornography. In past generations, viewership ratings like this were impossible with significantly less developed technology.
According to a survey by Rasmussen Reports, parents are also concerned about the media’s portrayal of sex. In 2013, 71% of surveyed adults agreed that popular culture “encourages sexual activity among young people” in a way that didn’t previously exist in prior generations.
“I find the portrayal of sex in the media quite disturbing, to be honest,” Mary, the mother of both middle and high school students, said. “I think that there’s no need for the openness we see on TV.”
The causal attitude around sex has completely altered the way adolescents view sexual activity today. Though dialogue around sex is becoming increasingly normalized, that same normalization has contributed to a new generation that is misinformed by pop culture as a whole.
“I think showing sex as this casual, has no consequences, ‘be with whoever you want to’ approach is just not reality in many ways,” Mary said. “It causes harm to young boys and girls because it creates this unrealistic image in their heads.”
Sex Ed:
Across the country, sexual education has been substandard for years. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) estimated that only half of the country’s high schools and one-fifth of middle schools teach the topics that the CDC deemed essential for sexual education. In 2022, the Guttmacher Institute found that more adolescents received sex education in 1995 than between 2015 to 2019.
Since its founding in 1965, JDS has seen many different forms of sexual education. According to Dean of Students Roz Landy, JDS used to require a course for ninth and tenth grade called Human Development, which covered topics like drugs, sex and alcohol through a Jewish lens. The course later shifted to eliminate the Jewish component, and was taught by physical education teachers at the school.
Soon, however, administrators realized that this type of sexual education course was not a right fit for high school students. Landy said they decided to hold sexual education in middle school instead of educating people when it was “too late.”
Middle School Assistant Principal Rabbi Janet Ozur Bass said that the middle school sex ed curriculum mostly consisted of conversations about healthy bodies and healthy relationships, covering topics like consent and body positivity. She said the administration decided that the students needed classes beyond basic anatomy. With this in mind, Ozur Bass began to incorporate Jewish values into the new curriculum.
“Our philosophy is twofold,” Ozur Bass said. “One is that we need to base all of our curriculum in Jewish values. And two, we need to meet the needs of a pluralistic, dynamic school … so that our students feel good about their bodies and are making educated choices and understand what role … not just Jewish law, but Jewish values, have to teach about our bodies and our relationships.”
Zoe Wertlieb (‘22), a current junior at Bryn Mawr College, thinks it is extremely important to have a perfected sex education program, considering that a non-positive experience can contribute to the sexual stigma.
When she was in seventh grade, Wertlieb recalls one session of sexual education in which she and her female peers in her grade and the grade below her learned about periods and how to use female hygiene products.
“I think at that point, a lot of my friends have gotten their periods, myself included, and so I remember us feeling like it was inappropriate for us to be with the sixth graders, because our experiences are different from theirs,” Wertlieb said.
Wertlieb said all sex ed should be a co-ed experience, ensuring that members of each sex can learn about the other’s anatomy. But above all, Wertlieb believes that JDS has room to incorporate more topics and more suitable teachers into its curriculum. For instance, Wertlieb would have appreciated learning about birth control, including its side effects and alternative methods, during her time at JDS from an experienced medical professional.
“At the end of the day, these are things in heterosexual relationships that they’re going to be doing together, so why separate them for it, right,” Wertlieb said. “That just feels counterproductive. And if you separate them, then it creates this message that it’s not something that boys and girls should talk about with each other, that it is something that should be separate between the genders, when it’s inherently not. It’s inherently the opposite, and it makes it more taboo.”
According to a study by Issues in Law and Medicine, a lack of sex education can lead to intimate partner violence and gender biases in addition to the direct dangers that could result from a sexual relationship. Senior Navah Gris finds that JDS’ lack of sex education is similarly dangerous and contributes to the lack of knowledge within the current generation. Though sexual health is one of the topics covered in the school’s senior seminars, there is no specific sexual education built into JDS’ curriculum.
“The JDS high school sex ed is non-existent,” Gris said. “Besides for a speaker here and there, sex ed isn’t required even though it’s realistically a time when the information is the most relevant and useful to teenagers.”
Sex and Religion:
From a religious perspective, it is no secret that sex is a complex topic. Whether it is the emphasis on rules about abstinence before marriage or sex simply for the sake of reproduction, conversations about sex from a traditional Jewish perspective can often seem rigid and inflexible. However, upon closer examination, the truth is more complex.
It is important to remember that Judaism is a complex religion with many different sets of beliefs and interpretations of the text. Therefore, when broaching the subject of Jewish attitudes towards sex, what may apply to some Jewish communities is not necessarily true for all.
Rabbi Mitchell Berkowitz, the Associate Rabbi at B’nai Israel Congregation in Rockville, said that within Judaism, sex is looked at differently depending on someone’s marital status. He also said that it varies based on denomination, and specified that he represents a Conservative perspective.
“I think the approach, generally speaking, to sex within marriage is different than the approach that Judaism has to sex outside of marriage,” Berkowitz said. “Within marriage, I would say that it’s something that is, generally speaking, celebrated and encouraged within certain parameters, and in fact, it’s often couched in the language of an obligation and a mitzvah.”
According to Berkowitz, consensual sexual intercourse between spouses is celebrated in Judaism because of the Jewish values that it is associated with. Berkowitz explained that it is considered a mitzvah to have children, and therefore sex with the intention of procreating is encouraged between a married couple in the Jewish community.
Separately, Berkowitz explained that Jewish text obligates Jewish husbands to provide their wives with sexual activity at specific intervals in time, which is another explanation as to why sex is celebrated within married, heterosexual Jewish relationships.
“Judaism does value and celebrate that part of a loving, healthy relationship between two people who are committed to one another, ideally through the lens of marriage,” Berkowitz said. “…Part of [a married] relationship is physical and part of that relationship is sexual … assuming that all of that, of course, is consensual,” Berkowitz said.
My Jewish Learning said that the biblical word for marriage, kiddushin, comes from the same root as holiness, which is why some believe that premarital sex detracts from the holiness of the act.
The view of sex outside of marriage being unholy is a shared sentiment among other religions that, according to a study done by Science Direct, contributes to the stigma surrounding sex for many communities.
Conversely, Ozur Bass thinks it is very important to note the positive tone in which Judaism talks about bodies and sex. She thinks that, especially among other religions, the tone in which halacha (Jewish law code) is delivered is very unique.
“We are very, very blessed to be part of a religion that views sex and sexuality and our bodies in such a positive way,” Ozur Bass said. “…There are so many different ways to interpret the Torah, but no matter how you’re interpreting Torah, our bodies are a blessing.”
Of course, this leaves a lot of questions around non-heteronormative relationships. When it comes to homosexual relations, Berkowitz said that it is not the act of being homosexual that is explicitly prohibited by the Torah. Rather, according to strict interpretations of the text, it is prohibited for two people of the same gender to engage in sexual intercourse. However, as Judaism has evolved over the years, there are many communities that have accepted teshuvot that welcome homosexual relationships, including Berkowitz’s.
“When the conservative movement adopted teshuvot, they recognized, using the principle of Kavod Habriot, dignity for all human beings,” Berkowitz said. We look at [their sexual identity] as an essential part of the human being, and that part of the human being therefore deserves the utmost respect, because that human being is created in the image of God.”
Conclusion:
High school is a time full of firsts. The shift in media portrayal of sex and the lack of sex education have the capacity to pose a danger to the next generation, leaving many misinformed before entering into sexual experiences.
When we want to teach math to our children, we don’t wait until the point where they’re asking about math,” Ozur Bass said. “We figure out what is developmentally appropriate, and we anticipate and we lay the foundation and then we grow their math skills. It should be the same with the care and keeping of our bodies.”
